During the past 4 years, since I quitted my career in Fashion as a pattern cutter, I have been reflecting a lot on the mistakes I made in my previous career choice, as well as what steps I should take in the future. Personally, it was a very difficult period in my life and in the beginning I couldn’t even understand what made me go to Fashion in the first place. In sum, there were two reasons that were responsible for my departure: I wasn’t that passionate about clothes and I didn’t agree with who I was “serving”. The latter can be a bit confusing but what I mean is: who is profiting from my work and in what way am I contributing to society? Unfortunately, it took me 8 years to ask myself that question and once I did, I didn’t need to ponder on it any further.
At that time, I already knew I wanted to study animation, in fact, that was exactly the reason I used when I handed in my resignation letter. I have been in love with cinema, animation and comics for a very long time, and my mind was constantly thinking about stories to tell and characters to create. However, I was so insecure about my skills and my motives that it took me actually two years and a half, a lot of therapy sessions and a pandemic, to put a portfolio together and apply. In the meantime, I became an English teacher, which couldn’t have been more opposite to the job I had before. Teaching was very fulfilling, especially when we can see improvements in short periods of time. I love commanding an audience and making students question issues in ways that they haven’t before, as well as researching and studying a variety of topics. Although I must admit that working with children and teenagers is a valuable gift that I do not possess. In spite of that, by contrast and comparison, I was able to miss Fashion as it reminded me of what it was that I loved doing as a pattern cutter – I loved working in a studio and creating something from scratch, with my own hands, especially something that I have designed myself.
Looking back, I am so happy I took this time because it allowed me to grow so much and I learnt not only about myself professionally but also regarding my trans identity. In addition, I was able to understand why I wanted to go to fashion so badly when I was younger – I remembered being 15 or 16, when I had just came to terms with my sexuality, and watching fashion shows and tv shows like Project Runway and seeing talented queer people being successful and celebrated and telling myself that that’s what I needed to pursue. This time around, at the verge of turning 30 and having just accepted my gender identity, I honestly felt excited about my future for the first time in a very long time. I knew what stories I need to talk about, who are the characters that I want to create, how I want to contribute to society with my work, and why I want to go to animation.
When I started MACA I was very lost regarding the type of animation that I wanted to do, so during the first 2 terms I decided to explore different animation technique such as digital 2D animation, hand-drawn animation, rotoscoping, clay animation, puppet animation and cut-out animation. This experience not only taught me that I thrive when I experiment with new techniques and materials, but it also clarified that out of the three big animation industries (2D, 3D and stop-motion), as an animator I definitely belong in stop-motion. But do I want to be an animator, and what does the job of a stop-motion animator really entail?
During the third term I had the privilege to direct my first film “Oh Baby Baby”, which I decided to do in 2D. This experience definitely “put the proof in the pudding” and made me even more certain that I am way more creatively stimulated with stop-motion than any other types of animation. Having said that, as a director I really enjoyed seeing my ideas coming to life and exploring different ways of communicating the main message of the story. Out of all the different stages, storyboarding and the animatics were the most interesting to me, as it made me reflect on image composition, cinematography and rhythm. It truly made me want to experiment more with it in the future and it also made me wonder whether or not if I could be a storyboard artist in the future.
Unlike in my BA in Fashion Design, which I completed when I was 22, this time around I feel much more confident in my skills and aesthetic choices and way less concerned about my employability. I realized that it’s very important to remind myself, as often as I can, why I came to animation and that it was a choice that I was very lucky to make. I’m aware that the perspective that I want to explore and the political tone in my stories is not necessarily the most profitable one, but as an artist, my responsibility is to express mine or someone else’s experience and to make the audience feel what they wouldn’t in their own shoes – not necessarily to entertain. Regardless, being an artist or an independent animator, involves a combination of management, networking and self-promotion that I’m not entirely ready for. On top of that, understanding how to get fundings and to apply for animation festivals may prove much more complex that I’m expecting. In other words, what tools do I need to obtain to build my own well-oiled machine?